Winner
by runningondreams
Summary: For Tezuka Kunimitsu, winning is a habit that's hard to break. Inspired by the conversation following his first match with Echizen. no romance.


_**Title: **Winner_

_**Author:** runningondreams_

_**Disclaimer**: Tennis no oujisama belongs to Konomi-san and Shonen Jump. I own no characters, names, images, plot-lines, places, or production rights._

_**Warnings: **none._

_**Summary: **For Tezuka Kunimitsu, winning is a habit that's hard to break. _

"_I wish it had gone down more easily…..He acts as if he's never lost before."_

Tezuka stared aimlessly through the clear glass as his friend's words echoed through his mind again, and again. Oishi had been talking about Echizen but…well. Perhaps the fukubuchou couldn't see it but Tezuka knew the first year had plenty of experience with defeat; the prodigy insisted that he played tennis solely to beat his father, after all. It was unhealthy to lie to oneself, but disabusing that notion had been the purpose of their match. No, Oishi had no reason to worry about Echizen's mental state, but….

Tezuka had never thought of his winning streak as a liability before.

It wasn't as if he'd never lost was it? Surely there were some early games, before he knew how to really read a match, before the Tezuka Zone and the zero shiki drop shot. He hadn't started with a perfect game….but his last loss had been years before, before he'd entered Seigaku even, though only just. Three years. And now…..now Tezuka wasn't sure if he still knew _how_ to lose. If, in another month or two, he was challenged by Echizen, by Fuji, by a new opponent with skill level near his own, if he lost….. what would he do? He'd probably be able to see it coming, would probably be able to feel the control of the game slipping through his fingers. What would that be like, to stand on the court and know he would lose and still play, because there was nothing else to do?

Would he still _want_ to play?

Tezuka shook his head angrily. What was he thinking? Of course he would still play. Tennis was what he _did_, without tennis…..without tennis there was only a deathly quiet house, an empty room, dull books and the same routine day, after day, after day. Tennis was sun and laughter and _teammates_ and exhaustion and satisfaction and joy and thrill and pain and sweat and _life_.

But, for him, tennis was also winning, and control, and strength, and power, and he had to wonder…

If he hadn't been talented, if he hadn't been a starter that first year, if he hadn't gone to nationals, if he hadn't been given the vice-captaincy and then the captaincy…would he have stuck with it? Would he have been able to stand in the background with the rest of the team and slowly chip away at the flaws in his own game, playing only minor tournaments and short practices against the senpai? Would he have accepted living as so much of his team did, watching from the sidelines and marveling at the starters' skills?

The lingering elbow injury only made him more determined, but if he hadn't known what it felt like to stand on the court with one of the best players in the nation and play with everything he had….if he hadn't had that….would the dream have been enough?

This was pointless. It didn't matter whether he would have or not and there was no reason to speculate about the past. What had happened, had happened. No turning back, not ever, not for anything. The present was important. The future was important.

Tezuka sighed and closed his eyes, taking off his glasses so he could lean into the cool window pane. Two years ago he'd chosen to continue tennis because of Oishi's loyalty and Yamato-buchou's trust, but he wouldn't have been _good_ if he hadn't _wanted_ it. He knew that. It was love of the game that made him return each day to prove that he was the best. To prove to Yamato-buchou that he could handle the starter position he'd been entrusted with. To prove to Tekasue-senpai that a fit of jealousy meant nothing to him, that jealousy was meaningless because he, Tezuka Kunimitsu, was on an entirely different level.

Was that all that mattered anymore? His pride?

His breath fogged out over the glass, a murky barrier between his thoughts and reality. It didn't matter why he played tennis, only that he did. He was captain, and to most of the nation he _was_ Seigaku. He'd promised Yamato-buchou that he would take care of the team, that he would be a pillar of support that the players would always be able to depend on. And he'd promised Oishi that the team would go to nationals. The _whole_ team, for the first time in over ten years.

He had to win. He had to provide an example. He had to be the best.

Tezuka Kunimitsu played tennis, breathed tennis, _lived_ for tennis.

And when the game demanded he give more, more passion, more strength, more endurance, more skill, more cunning, more will, more, more, more… he would give it. Every time.

Someday, perhaps, it wouldn't be enough, but until then….until then he would keep his promises.

Until then, he would win.

And he couldn't help but feel that when that day came, when the game he lived for demanded more than he could give, when he _lost_…..

Only then would he be able to be as honest with himself as he'd forced Echizen to be.

-fin-


End file.
